Boys,
Fire blankets are used to cut off the oxygen to fires, so do not be the “fire blanket“ to your relationship. It is perfectly ok to be jealous to a certain extent, but a relationship is built on trust and respect. Now you may say “Respect is not going out with a guy who is a friend one on one when you are in a relationship,” but if you trust your girlfriend, there is no reason to restrict their friendships. Many girls, like myself, have a lot of friends who are male, but that does not mean each time I go out with one I have feelings for them.
Some people believe you cannot be friends with someone of the opposite gender, but I disagree. I am not attracted to every guy I’m friends with, nor would I be compatible for anything more than friends with some of them. There is a fine line between boyfriend and a CLOSE guy friend, but that doesn’t mean that line is crossed. So if a guy I was dating told me I could not spend time with my close guy friend or any guy friend alone, I’d be instantly turned off.
I don’t think it is fair to say my boyfriend can never see a girl that he is friends with, so
I wouldn’t want him to tell me I couldn’t see a guy friend. Now granted, I think that could change depending on the girl. If she is gorgeous and happens to always be all over him. I’d be jealous and worried that his second brain would take over. However, I’d trust him as much as I could. I am not going to suffocate him by being a “fire blanket.”
The main thing is that most girls don’t want to be told who they can and cannot see, or where / when they can do things. If we don’t text you when we are out, it is probably because we are having fun not cheating… On the other hand, I would have to say that this is one area where you’d have to use your brain to figure out if we are cheating. BUT! DO NOT ASSUME WE ARE JUST BECAUSE WE ARE OUT WITH GUYS.
The lesson is, if you want to keep a girl around, don’t scare her off by not trusting her or laying down the rules to keep her from going somewhere or seeing her friends. However, if she lays down rules to keep you from going out or seeing your friends. Then all bets are off.
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I’ve had to deal with this with all of my boyfriends in high school and college– I don’t think I had more than one or two girl-friends during that time; ALL of my friends were guys. They had to trust me that when I said we were just friends that that was all it was (and it was)!
If a guy does not trust the girl he is with to be in the presence of another single man, then there is something seriously wrong with the relationship. Trust is EVERYTHING! I have a coworker whose long-time boyfriend is so insanely jealous of her spending any time with single guys around her that he will guilt her into not going to social events or even a business lunch because you know, just because a woman is around another guy, they’re just going to have sex, right? Needless to say, I’m not a fan of the guy. It shows an inherent mistrust of his girlfriend and I don’t know how either person can be happy or fulfilled if there is not a strong underlying trust between both people. But she continues to let him be that mistrusting of her, so there’s that as well…
Thanks for sharing!
I completely agree. When men break my trust once, I second guess them constantly, which ruins our relationship. Having complete trust is the only way to have a true relationship. I would never be able to stay with a man who wouldn’t allow me to even go to a business lunch. That is not ok on any circumstance.
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